And You Thought You Had the Worst Breakup of All Time...

You know them, and you love to hate them. Evil ex's. Scott Pilgrim did it right by fighting and defeating all of them in order to finally be with his one true love, Ramona Flowers. But let's take a step back. There's one thing that we all have in common with Scott Pilgrim. We've all had our heart ripped up into billions of tiny pieces. And absolutely we DO NOT want to be face to face with someone that sucked face with our current significant other. On the opposite spectrum, we also shouldn't seek out to kill our exs because they ruined our lives...*cough cough* Kill Bill. I know it's pretty bad to talk poorly of your ex's, but I think we can all come to agreement that we all have that "she/he who shall not be named" ...and before you say it, I'm talking worse than Lord Voldy. When you think about it though, sometimes these breakups show us more about ourselves than we ever thought. And I can also reassure you, there are WAY worse ex's in history that you'll be thankful to not have crossed paths with. Welcome back to the blog, everyone. Like always, it's good to be back after a brief hiatus and some self love and rejuvenation/reflection to get back into the world.

Welcome back to the blog, lil family :) It's been a little bit since I've last posted. I've celebrated almost 9 months at my job as a Riley psych nurse...and I have to tell you that I've fallen in love with where I'm at. I can't believe I'm finally living out my dream of working with kids. I also just celebrated my dad this last week. He's been gone officially 7 years as of 2 days ago. And that in itself is also a hard thing to believe. But please believe me when I tell you that things in this hard life truly DO GET BETTER. Now, let's remember that we are talking to this Alyssa at the beginning of April. If you were talking to the January Alyssa, you might've gotten a very different narrative. January Alyssa was not entirely enjoying herself yet at work, was struggling to think of where she was going to fit in, and had just gotten out of a relationship. Scratch that. She had gotten out of a relationship that she thought was amazing and full of "rainbows/roses/vomit on all of this cute shit that is filled with any romcom you binge watch from Lifetime" rubbish. Let's lay the cards out as they are: I was cheated on. No, I don't know for how long. I don't even know who the person is really. All I know is that when there is a paper trail and you have a gut feeling, you follow it, no matter how gross or disgusting you feel to follow it. And once I did find it, after the breakup had been sealed, how was I supposed to confront all of that anger and guilt and embarrassment to someone that had already cut it off with me? That is the hardest question of all. Even after all of the memories made, all of the late night conversations, meeting of the family and friends in your life, it feels like all of it was thrown into the abyss, back to being strangers and barely knowing one another. Not only did I feel betrayed by someone I thought I loved, I felt embarrassed to think that I could have been fooled. My mind and my heart, who I thought I'd grown to know better over all of this time with myself. I felt disgusted to not only to have introduced this person to my mother, but also my grandparents - the people that took over as surrogate parents after my father passed away. Someone I'd shared my secrets of struggle with, all of my ugliness towards myself that I had pushed down inside. There really comes an internal crisis from breakups, doesn't there?

(The cat in this image is supposed to resemble Grady because he's all black and just lays there, but it's a cat...so let's just pretend it's really Grady, okay?)

I remember all of the great movies and shows that taught me how to deal with a grotesque breakup - slash their tires, egg their house, burn all of their belongings in a backyard bonfire with your besties, become a villain of the Marvel universe and sabotage all that is good in the world, etc. The list goes on. And while I can recall plenty of sleepless nights, making a new breakup playlist, and scrounging the house for anything sweet or alcoholic, I found the best remedy, from Reddit no less - No Contact. I remember reading about 'No Contact' on one of my tear-filled nights with a glass of wine in hand. No contact, by definition, is "cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup", lasting for a minimum of 60 days (preferably longer, the rest of your life hopefully). No contact includes:

* No texting

* No calling

* No interaction on social media

But if you want to make it even more of a sacrifice, you don't talk about them at all in social circles, don't scout for them on social media through other friends, acting as though they didn't exist in your world in the first place. To be incredibly honest and transparent about this, it all sounded like a complete joke. If anything, it sounds like something you'd try to get your ex back with you if you wanted. However, set forth in the Reddit rules are that it is not a guide or practice to get your ex back together with you. It is a practice of self care that takes dedication and practice. It also may include some failure when practicing, which I found myself in plenty of times. From someone that hurt me a lot, mind you. I was still in the fight to get the good memories and feelings I had before back to me, maybe not the person. But head first, I found myself diving into the practice of no contact. And I'm here to tell you that it really does work wonders for self care. It makes you realize how strong and resilient you can be, especially if you were with someone that tore that down at one point.

Let's take a pause on this sob story for a second. I'm sure that we've all been through ugly breakups. Like I always do, I usually turn to history to help in times of distress. One thing I found myself coming back to was someone who I like to call "The Worst Boyfriend/Husband in All of History". You may or may not know this person. So let me introduce you to Henry the VIII.

I have to tell you when I first looked up a picture of Henry the VIII when I was growing up, I thought "What an eyesore" and "Look at the beer belly on this guy". Yes, Henry was a pretty portly man, but with all of the money and power in England, I would also probably be a pretty sizeable man. But this man was also apparently the most sought out man and womanizer in 15th Century England. He split up the Catholic Church, which had all of the shared legal decision-making power back then, just so he could get married to another woman. And thus, the divorce also came to the limelight. If you haven't heard of the saying "Divorced, Beheaded, Died. Divorced, Beheaded, Survived.", this is where we get this guy...as well as his six wives that he had over his lifetime. Yes, this man was the player and the subject of Kanye West's famous "God Digger" sound track...just kidding. But wouldn't that be a lavish story, too? In doing my research, Henry was really a royal douche bag to be married to. All of his wives were remarkable women that had someone to be hailed for. From starting relief programs for the poor, becoming alliances for women in the community, or challenging men and the economy by offering new ideals on politics, all of the wives of Henry the VIII were not completely forgotten after he decided he was ready for his next marital affair. I won't go into all of the dirty details, but I'll leave you with this small fun fact. Anne of Cleves, Henry's 4th wife, was apparently "not as described to him", meaning he thought she was ugly and not how she was in her pictures. He also blamed her appearance for "failure to inspire him" in the bedroom, which led to not consummating the marriage. It appears he also blamed his erectile dysfunction on Anne, which led to their marriage only lasting mere months. This man can take no fault on the crown!

While this may seem like a smut piece on never trusting men again, it is far from that. I want to say that a majority of us in the world have been through gut-wrenching heartbreak. The kind that keeps you awake at night and leaves you feeling dizzy trying to navigate through it. Some of you may not need the "No Contact" protocol because you may be able to handle it and find yourself through the fog. But I needed it, especially after I was left with an abandoned dog and a "I'll always be there for you, let me cheat on you" taste in my mouth. Although there are rough spots still coming up after 4 months post-breakup, I'm finally starting to find myself again. I'm starting to get that hop in my step back, I'm loving my job and what I do, and I'm finally starting to let my hair fall. I'm going back out with friends, I'm dressing back up, and I'm finding my footing again. I just have to remind myself that this isn't the worst it could be, and that I've been through much rougher waters than this. This was just another wrench in the system that I had to learn to overcome. And that Henry the VIII remains the king of broken hearts (and lost heads) in the Renaissance.

Don't forget who you are. I know that sometimes your heart and head aren't always at their strongest. You're only human, any humans have to go through all of that in order to get through life and experience it all. Even if that means falling down a couple of times along the way. I know that your heart gets broken by this life, more importantly, the people that make up your life. And the one thing I can tell you is that they were meant to be in your life for a reason, and they were also meant to leave your life for a reason. Whether that be to make you a stronger person, to protect you from something more evil, to show you your true potential. There is so much more in your life that you have to go through than that one little interruption of heartbreak, even if it doesn't feel so little at the moment. I want you to remember to not blame yourself, and don't feel embarrassed, scared, or worried about what is to come. Another note, don't look to the past - things happen and they go on...so what can you do now that would even change the past? We don't have a time machine, babe. Most of all, embrace what you have right now. What you carried through the battle and what you came out with on the other side. It's just that very stuff you came out with on the other side that will keep you going. Don't forget about you either. There is so much love out there waiting for you.