Where has the time gone?

Time. What a weird thing, right? Of all of the times I wish I could change something, I really wish it would be time.

As you can tell this is my second blog post. I have to just say very quickly, thank you so incredibly much for all of the love and support so far for this...writing has always been an outlet for me. A vice, as many people have. My mom was telling me that ever since I was little, I had a diary with me to write down my thoughts. I remember even writing little notes to my parents when they were mad at me or fighting, letting them know where I was if they needed to talk or blow off steam. Look at me, all therapeutic at the age of 6 and 7 :) I guess this whole nursing thing was right for me after all...but really, THANK YOU SO MUCH *hug*

This topic of time came to me last week at work. I had an interesting conversation with one of my favorite professors, Dr. Bisch. She always has such an upbeat walk going to class. Our conversations of "Oh, those freshman..." to Greek history put a smile on my face. On Friday, she came to me concerned about a clock, discussing how it has bothered her so much since she doesn't know when class has ended. She also doesn't want any of those pesky freshman to trick her into dismissing early. They have no idea what college is like, do they? Anyway, I wondered if she had known that the clock in the classroom of Pickerl 113 had always been like that. For the 4 years that I have been at ISU now, I have always managed to not trust the clock in 113, because it was never right. The clock does not give you the time. However, it means that it isn't a distraction to the students, which makes it helpful for test taking and studying late at night (if you're like me, who stays up all hours of the night thinking about every situation that could ever happen to human civilization).

This idea of fixing the clock in a timely manner to please Dr. Bisch actually created some meaning inside though. Of all of the times I had thought about the damn clock that would never show me when class would be over, I actually felt reluctant to fix it. You see, our lives are planned out on a timeline of sorts. I always tell that to my mom when we talk about religion and stuff like that...however, that is a conversation/post for another time. I believe that whatever the plan is, no matter when we die or what paths we choose to take, the plan is altered ever so slightly. That is the funny thing about time. It reminds me of the butterfly effect in a sense.

There was a movie made back in 2005 called "The Sound of Thunder". I was extremely obsessed with it, probably watching it at least 30 times as a kid. It was strange because it dealt with dinosaurs and science and stuff like that....anyway, the concept of the butterfly effect came into context. Basically, if you change one slight thing on your path, something alters the road you are on. And that is pretty much it. The thing that bothered me about this whole clock ordeal was that we cannot tell what the time of day it was. Time isn't fixed though; you cannot stay in one spot forever. But in Pickerl's clock time, you are.

This is all sounding like I'm hyped up on drugs a little bit, but my whole point is simple. The feeling of being stuck in one specific moment in time, where everything just stops, is comfortable. It means that you can take a breather and just be on pause. The sad thing is that the world does not function in that matter. It goes on. I talked about that in my previous blog when talking about loved ones we lose or stupid situations we get ourselves into. We have to move on because the world makes us. As much as I would love to stay in a curled up ball in my bean bag chair and just be a hermit for the rest of my life, I cannot. Time is what pushes you. I can tell you, I spent hours between studying and just relaxing. But you know what? I have to go to classes tomorrow, sit in lectures, take an exam -- the world GOES ON.

It's the hardest thing to accept. I cannot even fathom the idea of being a 22 year old in just 6 months from now. It only feels like I just turned 21. That is what growing up feels like...well, if you called growing up still surviving on Capt'n Crunch and Mac n' Cheese...yes, those are my favorite things.

The whole point of this is to say that moving on is OKAY. Your life is mapped out on a certain line, and how you choose to live it and spend that time you have is up to you and ONLY YOU. Some don't choose to spend it in the wisest of ways, but each plan is individualized to you. Some, if not most, of that time is spent with barriers that will test you and interrupt your flow of comfortably, like the clock on the wall in Pickerl 113. However, you cannot spend life stuck in one place and just expect everything to be okay. You replace the batteries, you get back up on your feet, and you go back to living your best life and staying strong.

That is what I plan on doing for my exam tomorrow, and trust me, I'VE STUDIED. I would so love to just sit and write all day and talk about situations with people and make them laugh, but I am a nursing student first. Once I get through nursing school, I hope I can have more time reaching out to people and just spending my time impacting those that want to share their time with me. All you can do is fix the clock as best you can now so that you can go on.

We are only human. That's all we can do :)

Stay tuned...

(It would have been super cool to stay in the air and just fly around, but that is yet another thing humans cannot do...still gotta figure that one out XD)