For When You Feel Like Julia Gulia...

If you haven't seen "The Wedding Singer", then you are uncultured. Just kidding! I have a personality trait where I am permanently bound to movies and music that is before my era. However, this is for everyone that has ever cried in their room the night before their wedding, thinking about how their life is about to be ruined not by just a silly name change but by a decision that is going to break them forever. This is kind of how I feel right now, so I hope everyone can relate...you know, without the wedding dress part (mostly just crying and feeling down)...

Hi everyone! Welcome back to the blog. It has been super long since I have posted. Recently, I have had a super hard time posting anywhere, including to my Facebook page. Apparently someone reported by blog as "spam", so I made an inquiry about it. It is still pending...even after like a month. Hopefully I can somehow reverse the link in a way, but I may need to change the name of the site altogether. Anyway, I want to thank you guys so much for taking the time to read about what has all been going on! I know I haven't written in a while. Capstone this semester has been keeping me busy, and after 12-hour shifts in the NICU, my focus has been catching up on my homework and my sleeping schedule. I have been sick for the past 2 days actually, which I'm pretty sure was a cause/effect type relationship from floating to the Peds floor with sick kids! Bear with me though...I am speaking through my typing so I don't put any other strain on my voice :)

Lately, the past few weeks of school have been rough. Not in the sense of too much homework or busy work; trust me, with all of these practice questions with our nursing prep course, I am actually thankful for the course load we have this semester versus last. I am talking about more rough in the sense that my schedule isn't exactly super detailed or planned like it has been before. I think I have talked about this before, but some of the nursing classes we have fall on different days of the calendar, meaning that they aren't normally scheduled every single week like my Honor's class on MWF. This is something new for me. I am so OCD when it comes to planning out my schedule, even down to the minutes to do assignments and quizzes. However, I find it super difficult this semester to keep myself on track, even with classes I am taking outside of campus online. Not only is finding time to do my classes on my OWN time difficult, but it is also very hard when you have a job to do, like Capstone where you are following a nurse over the course of a semester. So trying to plan out all of these little tricks and tips for myself to study and sit down to do my homework is super hard.

The reason(s) why I bring up "The Wedding Singer" is because:

1) It is in my top 10 favorite movies of all time...I've seen a lot of movies, trust me. (Edit: I have more of a top 50, where I keep saying "My favorite movie..."; just...you get the point. I can be quite dramatic when it comes to saying "my favorite" if you haven't noticed XD)

2) It is a hilarious and romantic movie looking at Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore falling in love, as well as a surprise appearance from Billy Idol on a plane at the end.

3) Lastly, I feel like we all have our individual Robbie Hart and Julia Sullivan/Gulia moment in life.

For example, let me paint you a picture:

Actually instead of painting you a picture, here is a gif of Robbie Hart singing an original song about his ex-fiance that left him at the alter and is a piece of trash. Hart is a character that we can all relate to. Lost love, career at a stand still, not a lot of family in his life, but a lot of friends that support him and care about him to get him places. I feel like I am having my Robbie Hart moment. I am currently at a time in my life, and semester, where I am FREAKING out about finding a job. I can't even tell you. I had a panic moment last night after doing homework, thinking about all of my friends who have recently been finding out about their job offers and plans to move to new facilities to pursue their nursing careers. My friends Zoe and Ashton, my two besties here at ISU in my nursing cohort, have gotten amazing job offers of the hospital of their choice, and all I can do is congratulate them and feel super happy! However, none for Gretchen Weiners...AKA me. I am so in love with my Capstone experience. But there lies one huge problem with that: NICU doesn't really offer new grad positions right after graduation. The NICU is a special spot, and because it is so high acuity and holds a special place for the infants in stressful situations, those who have more experience and more knowledge behind it should be getting those jobs. New grads are timid, let me tell YOU. I am so anxious when I go into clinical. But I have found a love for the NICU because I have gained a better sense of how to compose myself in those situations and learn how to calm myself. I only wish that if I had the chance, I could be welcomed on the team at a NICU-centered hospital.

Although my dreams have been slightly shattered a bit, this doesn't mean that I can never pursue a career in the NICU. I actually have been reaching out to everyone: Union Hospital, IU Health Bloomington, Eskenazi in Indianapolis...many more to come. All I want to gain by the time I graduate is a little bit of stability and time to figure out what I am passionate about and where I want to be. It may just be that I have to start out a little lower than I want to, but the great thing with nursing is that you can build your experience and rise to the occasion, which is what I plan on doing. Although I really like the idea of working in the ER, ICU, or Stroke Unit with the MedSurg team, I am super passionate about psych. I may just be looking into psych positions that hire new grads and making a couple of calls to see where I can go. It all just depends on the situation and where want to be.

Being an adult is so hard, and I think I finally get that after watching TWS. Robbie Hart getting dumped, Julia Gulia crying in her wedding dress because she doesn't know if she is happy with her life and where it is going...literally, this is what I am feeling. Being an adult is so crazy, and now I know why my mom told me to never wish it all away. But eventually, you have to tell yourself that it is time to grow up and make a name for yourself, which is what I am still working on. Trying to get that approval from others and finding if you fit a job description is also something I am working on. That rejection you get from finding out that the perfect job you envisioned yourself in is unavailable, that is something I am still learning to deal with.

One of my favorite classes this semester has to be my Honors class with Dr. Bisch about Greek culture. I have to tell you, this is the only history/cultures teacher I have ever met that makes such a topic so entertaining and fun to learn about. Parts of our homework include reading 2 separate novels discussing the beginning and progress of Greek civilization and culture. While taking notes a week ago over one of our chapters, something jumped out at me. If you haven't heard of the poet Archilochus, let me introduce you. He was one of the earliest Greek Lyric poets of his time, writing entirely about his emotions and experiences (that is kind of why I like this guy...spill that tea!). Although he wrote a lot about a girl he couldn't marry because her father didn't approve of him (even rumored to have driven his love and her father to suicide), he had an amazing force when it came to writing about love, war, and the ways of life. Although he was very vengeful when it came to love, he talked about life in a way that I really appreciate. He writes:

"Rejoice at simple things; and be but vexed by sin

and evil slightly. Know the tides through which we move."

I absolutely love this line. Not only does he point to things not lasting forever in this life, which I preach on my soapbox quite a few times, but that you should live as you can. All moments in life happen at one time and one place and then are gone. It is so important to cherish those moments like pieces of sand on a beach. Not every single grain of sand is the same; each is unique in its own way and how it came about. It is so important to remember that even though life does not last forever, you must cherish every part, every event, every decision you make within that life that will end someday.

So even with my struggles of trying to find a new job and celebrate graduation and figure out a new place to live/migrate to, I want to appreciate the journey of it. Even when their are hard times, like my Robbie Hart/Julia Gulia moments of crying and getting angry, I want to cherish it because it is all part of the journey to figure out where my life is heading. I hope that each of you can carry those ugly moments that you have, because it carries you on to the next thing, no matter what is good or what is bad. Thanks for reading friends :)